| The
problem is that different stages in a
relationship require various levels of gift
giving. You wouldn't buy a person you are
casually dating the same kind of gift that you
would purchase for a person you had been with for
two years. At least, I hope not. What
is the perfect gift? At what point in the
relationship do you give a certain gift? Are some
gifts considered too personal? I have been asked
these questions a lot lately. My answers: I don't
believe there is a perfect gift; the gift depends
on how involved you are with the individual; and
what is considered personal varies from person to
person. So chances are, you will only find out
whether it was appropriate after you have given
the gift.
There
are three things you need to know when giving a
gift. First, know that you are never required to
give anyone a gift. Gift giving is a gesture that
should come from the heart – not out of
obligation. Second, you have to know exactly what
your relationship is. Are you dating casually or
is it more serious? Third, don't worry about
timetables, because they are different for
everyone. Dating a person three months may be
casual for you. For someone else, it may be
considered a serious relationship.
I
do know that there are two gifts that a person
should never buy. According to my mom, a woman
should never buy a man a watch or a pair of
shoes. If you buy a watch, it sets up
expectations of time. Either you are looking for
the relationship to end, or you are looking for a
long-term commitment. The significance of the
shoes is that he will either walk all over you or
walk out on you. These may be considered old
wives tales, but I have seen them in action, and
I believe in them.
To
help you do your shopping this year, I have
compiled a short list of items for three distinct
relationship categories: casual dating, under
three months; sort of serious, three to six
months; and a serious relationship, which goes
beyond six months.
The
casual dating period is a get-to-know-you time,
so gifts should range between $15 - $25. Gifts in
this category would include cards, books, CDs,
movies/videos, gift certificates or stuffed
animals. These are all very non-threatening types
of gifts. You definitely do not want to buy
anything personal.
For
those of you who are sort of serious, I would
move into the $25-$40 range. You have known the
person for a while now, so think about things
they have mentioned. I wouldn't go too personal.
Let's try things like cologne, small things for
the apartment or dorm room, clothes or small
jewelry.
In
a serious relationship, the sky is the limit.
This is the level when people spend money they
don't have. During the holiday season, rings are
the most popular gift. You can buy tools,
accessories for cars and homes, lingerie, DVDs
and other electronics.
The
prices given and the time lines I have drawn are
not set in stone. You must decide how much is too
little or too much.
The
important part of giving is not how much you
spend, but how much thought you put into the
gift. The important part of receiving is not in
the expense of the gift, but being thankful that
the person thought of you at all.
`Til
next week be safe.
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2000: The Northern Light
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