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The Northern Light has
officially concluded that the new building names are
inane. So, we decided to come up with our own building
names. And it only took us a weekend.
Building K
Their name: Professional Studies Building
Our analysis: What the hell are professional studies?
Our name: The Building formerly known as K
Diplomacy Building
Their name: Nothing yet. It was too hard.
Our analysis: We feel that the name should reflect
the activities held inside. We find it somewhat ironic
that the Diplomacy Building houses the Alaska Department
of Corrections.
Our name: The Rock
Lucy Cuddy Center
Their name: Lucy Cuddy Hall
Our Analysis: Lucy had her time.
Our name: Iron Chef Alaska Dining Hall
7th and A
Their name: ENRI Building (Environmental and Natural
Resources Institute)
Our analysis: Umm…weren’t they trying
to avoid acronyms.
Our name: The ! Building
Residence Halls
Their name: Apparently the Naming Committee decided
that students don’t really care about the names,
so these ones were skipped.
Our analysis: In truth students find these names somewhat
complicated, especially when they are new to Alaska
and don’t know north from south. The names of
the residences should be conceptually recognizable
for even the dimmest college student.
Our names:
West Hall No Beer Hall
East Hall No Party Hall
North Hall No Smoking Hall
MAC Anything Goes Apartments
Templewood Watch-For-Cops Complex
College of Arts
and Sciences
Their name: Social Sciences Building
Our analysis: We feel that this name could still be
somewhat confusing for visitors with the Science building
right next door.
Our name: The Not-Really-A-Science Building
Science Building
Their name: With the renaming of the CAS building,
they didn’t need to rename this building anymore,
as confusion is now averted.
Our analysis: We feel that Science Building, and Social
Science Building may still generate some confusion.
Our name: The Nitrate Ethertetrachloride Rubidiumphosphate
Dioxide Building (Also known as the NERD Building)
Campus Center
Their name: Student Union
Our analysis: The Student Union could easily be confused
with th Union of Students. Likewise, the committee
apparently missed the computer labs, Parking Services,
Student Activities, Northern Light, Subway and Bookstore.
Our name: The Northern Light Building seems as logical
to us.
Aviation Technology Center
Their name: Aviation Complex
Our Analysis: Boooorrriiiinnnggg…
Our name: Super Grover Pod
Administration
Building
Their name: Administration/Humanities Building
Our analysis: We thought they missed some key elements
of this building.
Our Name: Administration/Humanities/Classrooms/Vending
Machine Building. (The Slash Building, for short) |
After six months the University of Alaska
Anchorage Naming Committee has finally come to some conclusions.
New names for seven buildings have been approved by the
chancellor’s office.
But don’t get excited. The new names aren’t
any better than the old names. Actually, in our humble opinion,
the new names are downright lame.
The problems start with the committee itself. It was formed
in July of 2003 and given the task of finding new names
for 15 UAA buildings. The pressure was on to rename the
buildings so the Way Finding Committee, organized by Facilities
Planning and Construction, could implement new signage.
New signage was to be put up before snowfall. Those time
constraints were unrealistic. Such permanent decisions should
not be made hastily. We can see why by the results.
The Campus Center, by far the coolest building around,
is being renamed the Student Union. Apparently no one noticed
that the building houses computer labs, an eatery, the bookstore,
the campus newspaper, Student Activities and Parking Services,
along with USUAA offices.
The committee didn’t even follow its own guidelines
or achieve its goals for renaming. One of the reasons the
committee came into existence was to reduce confusion on
campus. The name Student Union sounds an awful lot like
Union of Students. So when someone asks where the Student
Union is, are they looking for the Campus Center, the offices
of the student government, or the student legislators themselves?
The College of Arts and Sciences building was on the list
to be renamed due to perceived confusion between it, the
Science Building and the Arts Building. The new name for
the CAS is the Social Sciences Building. Ahhhh...much better.
Another guideline was to avoid the use of acronyms. The
building on Seventh Avenue and A Street will be appropriately
renamed ENRI Building. In case you were wondering, ENRI
stands for Environmental and Natural Resources Institute.
The Administration Building is to be called the Administration/Humanities
Building. Six months later and the Administration/Humanities
Building is the best the committee could come up with? Yes,
clearly curent names of campus buildings weren’t good
enough for their expensive new signs.
There must not have been much of a push for creativity
considering the buildings will probably be renamed again
soon anyway.
That’s right. Board of Regents policy stipulates
that, eventually, buildings will be named after significant
donors and others who have made substantial contributions
to the university. The university is rushing to rename all
the buildings so the Way FindingProject can be completed
in order for people to temporarily find their way around
campus until the buildings can be properly renamed. Is it
just us, or would NOW not be a logical time to rename the
buildings according to policy?
Maybe they were planning to, but after renaming Building
K, they were just plain exhausted. After all, the did have
to use a very big word in the new name: Professional Studies
Building.
And if that ridiculous title weren’t enough, bureacracy,
as only bureacracy can do, takes it one step further. The
2004 summer and fall schedules will print without the new
building names. But, the official campus map printed in
June will include the changes. Come next semester, students
are going to be wandering around campus looking for classes
in buildings that no longer exist. Lucky freshmen. Will
the university need another committee to clear up that confusion?
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